I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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