You just made me feel so damn special
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
