I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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