How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
