I can tuck mytits in my pants
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
