I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my being single is dangerous.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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