you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize