I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
