so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
