upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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