I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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