There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just puked most of my soul out..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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