So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize