there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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