That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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