I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
