i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
