he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
