If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
