and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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