3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
