Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
