hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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