marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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