I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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