you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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