Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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