You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
