If that was your dad, he is hot
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
