I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize