i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize