why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
