I think I died a long time ago.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
