he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
