My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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