im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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