Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize