im six kinds of drunk right now
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize