So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
