K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
