Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
