actually, I'm a sock model
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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