Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
