My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
then he tried to convert me to islam
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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