dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
