hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
