The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
