Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize