he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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