But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize