By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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