You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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