i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
