She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
