Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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