Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
