i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
