Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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