the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
