i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
