We're facebook friends in real life
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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