dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
