I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
