My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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